Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
