sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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