The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
