I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
