The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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