I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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