Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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