if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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