i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
