Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
