I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
