i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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