So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
