I heard we made out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
