He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
