***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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