There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
