just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
