Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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