i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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