We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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