Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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