All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
