We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
