Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
