I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
