1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You can't special order awesome
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
