Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I supernannyed him into submission
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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