Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
