she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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