you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
