what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
