frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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