Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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