you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
