Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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