Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
