is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
