There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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