I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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