If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
