it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
is that a dick in a sweater?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
