just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
