Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
