so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
