Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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