Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
