She said her name was "party"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
