if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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