I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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